remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
