Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
