let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
