Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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