It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
