Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
