I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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