Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
