Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
