dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
A+ Viking dick
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
