It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
