my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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