i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
