She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
