This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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