If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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