Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
