dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
