i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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