dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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