Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
