found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize