he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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