I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
