Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
