a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
