seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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