you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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