who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
