so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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