last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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