I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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