My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
