Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
