I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
