They should really pass out barf bags in church
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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