I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
