So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
