Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
