you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
