Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
