did you get engaged???
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
