I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
