wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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