So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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