o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
