she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
