I like my sex mixed with concussions.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
