Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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