I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
