they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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