I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
