I could have mohawked her pubes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
