i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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