I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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