I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
did you just send me my own nude
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
