dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
