is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
