Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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