dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
