First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
